Deadly Light – Outline

 What follows in this entry is the outline I used while working on Deadly Light this November. At some points I made changes to the outline as the story evolved during writing. In other places I left the original notes even though they don’t match the final version.

Obviously some serious spoilers here, so you might want to read the book before digging in.

__________________________________

A novel about things definitely not quite right in a small Midwestern university town.

When they were in fifth grade, Ben Whittaker and Rachel Rosen encountered something evil in the basement of their school. Released into the world, the darkness pursues them through high school and into young adulthood.

Dramatis personae

The heroes

Ben Whittaker

            Mom is a student

            Dad is head research librarian

Rachel Rosen (Isaacs? in the manuscript)

            Mom is a history professor

            Dad is freelance tech writer

Danny Cranmer (Miller in the manuscript)

            Mom is a housewife

            Dad works at the fertilizer plant

Donald Burns (Crenshaw in the manuscript)

            Mom works at a laundry

            Dad is dead (industrial accident at the plant)

The helpers

Bonnie Saxon

            Fifth grade teacher

The villains

Ludislaw “Lonny” Dubowsky

            Fifth grade bully

Jacob Johanssen

            The janitor, proud owner of the spanking machine

The neutrals

Mathias “The Dingleberry” Blevins

Principal Gardner

           

The town of Summer Falls, Kansas

            Home of Fort Benteen State University

            Historic home of William “Deadeye Bill” Cavanaugh

            And thus the Deadeye Days festival every fall

            The place has an ANFA Fertilizer Plant

Part One – The Spanking Machine

As this will be the third goddamn time I’ve written this story, the plot by now should be fairly familiar

Thought – introduce the Wild West character, something like Wild Bill. An evergreen that the kids watch, squeaky clean Western hero contrasted with the plaques downtown about all the people he shot. Historical record later turns out the reveal that Town was the only place he ever had a reputation for killing people

Star Wars hits theaters on May 25, 1977, which was definitely the end of our fifth grade year.

Part Two – Childish Things

This follows the characters from part one into high school, where fate mixes them up in different ways but the darkness they invoked as children comes back for another stab at them

This time Rachel is the protagonist, Ben the lead helper

Our characters:

Rachel Rosen, member of the Jocks (girls auxiliary). Focuses heavily on basketball performance and schoolwork

Ben Whittaker, member of the debate team

Anna Szewc (pronounced “chef”), Ben’s debate partner. Also in the early stages of dating

Danny Cranmer, on the football team but not exactly the star, plenty talented but not popular with the coach or other players because outside of sports he’s got the punk rock artist thing going

Donald Burns, straight up stoner, inhabitant of shop classes

Helpers

Janice Collins, physics teacher – Rachel’s favorite, they identify with each other because they’re both women interested in science. Rae feels comfortable asking Miss Collins physics questions, even weird ones related to the problem

Bernice Stewart, newspaper reporter – As a reporter for the Summer Falls newspaper, Bea keeps an eye on the town and notices when things go amiss.

Villain

Jacob Johanssen – Turns out the grumpy old janitor used to be a science teacher at the high school (Collins was one of his students). He had some kind of problem (details fuzzy) and had to move to a different job. Now he’s obsessed with tracking down the Rip that was released when the Spanking Machine vanished.

Richie Dean – Early in this section we learn from Danny that Richie talks to his dead brother’s ghost. The problem turns out to be much worse than that.

The Rip – In this part of the book we start to get more of an idea what we’re up against. Johanssen describes it as “a rip in the universe.” It’s sort of the non-Euclidian geometry of energy, an imbalance that – in its current, weakened capacity – is capable of causing mental illness in individuals who’ve come too close to it, but not much more. The worst part is … it’s sentient (though we may not find that out for sure until Act Three)

Outline:

Phone call - Thursday, Oct. 7, 1982

establishes changes between Rachel and Ben

introduces Anna (Ben’s girlfriend)

reveals that Rachel’s parents are divorced

mention that she needs to get to bed because of upcoming King Henry Night

Rachel attends football game – Friday, Oct. 8

Observations about Danny that establish his character

Richie sitting by himself, acting odd

King Henry Night – Friday into Saturday morning

            The Outsiders gather for a game of pool

            Donald character development

Also theme of the re-emergence of the threat

            Richie Dean talks to his brother’s ghost

            Conversation between Rachel and Ben about fifth grade

            Confronting the sensed presence in the box

            Discussion of Rae’s decision to crank up the volume

            Discussion of Johanssen and Richie Dean

Johanssen lurking about afterward

Discussion with Linda Collins – Tuesday, Oct. 12

            Monday Columbus Day, giving Rae the long weekend to obsess

            EB Film – Introducing Atoms

            Rachel asks questions about things disappearing completely

            From a physics point of view

            Also the bending of space, like in Dr. Who’s TARDIS

            Question about non-Euclidian geometry brings up Johanssen

            He taught math and science in high school / Collins was a student

            Moved to grade school janitor after teaching unorthodox theory to classes

Hallway encounter with Richie Dean

            “You were there.”

Prelude to Deadeye Days – Thursday, Oct. 14

            Working on downtown decorations (team assignment)

            Paired up with Anna, so they get to interact

            Anna notes the coach’s language about teams

            Danny interrupts, takes her on tour of downtown

            They look at all the plaques where Deadeye Bill killed someone

            Conclusion: he wasn’t a hero as much as he was a serial killer

            Also legend of Hangman’s Bridge / evil spot

            Rachel stops by her old spot under the bridge, senses something cold, dark

            Notes the presence of a dead refrigerator

Deadeye Days – Friday, Oct 15

            Starts in Rachel’s house

            Her mom is concerned about her lack of enthusiasm / appetite

            Rachel opts not to tell her about Danny’s revelation

            Description of downtown, with festival booths and the like

            Rachel sees Ben and Anna, buys soda and brings it to them

            Remembering that Anna loves Diet Coke, which was new in 82

            B and A wander off toward the rides in a nearby parking lot

            Rachel stays to listen to the band

            Johanssen shows up with a shotgun

            “You were there!”

            Shot (wounded) by sheriff while attempting to attack Rachel

            That night Rachel can’t sleep

            Notes that Johanssen couldn’t have known who was “there”

Bea Stewart comes sniffing – Saturday, Oct. 16

            Bea shows up

            News focus

                        Whether or not to cancel festival

Sheriff wounding rather than killing

            Asks Rachel about Johanssen

            Interview heats up when Bea starts to suspect that Rachel is hiding something

            Rae’s mom throws her out

“Accident” at school – Monday, Oct. 18

            Class disturbed by sirens outside the school

            Someone’s taken out on a gurney

            And someone else is led to the sheriff’s car in handcuffs

            Screaming all the way

Meeting of the original four – Tuesday, Oct. 19

            Plus Anna gets dragged into it (initially tough sell with Danny)

            Turns out she already has a short version from Ben

            Everyone brought up to speed

            Details of the shop class incident

            In shop class, Richie almost kills/maims Donald

            Says he wants to partner up, so teacher agrees (Donald’s usual partner is out)

            Then tries to drag Donald’s arm into a table saw

            Arrested, as he’s being dragged away Ritchie shouts “He was there!”

            Observation: it’s an odd thing for Ritchie to say, because Donald wasn’t there

            Rachel tells about her hallway brush with Ritchie

            And she gets into the theory about how the thing escaped

Rachel and Ben / Anna seek out Bea – Wednesday, Oct. 20

            The tale of something like this happening before, back in the 30s

            Decision to sneak into Johanssen’s hospital room

The hospital room – Thursday, Oct. 21

            Bea dressed as nun, Rae as candy striper

            Johanssen heavily sedated, still shows some agitation about Rae

            Who leaves Bea alone with him

            And gets roped into some job because she looks like a volunteer

            Doesn’t reveal much, but the clues lead to stuff in his house

Post “break in” conversation with Bea – Saturday, Oct. 23

            The notebooks, which explain a little

            “A rip in the fabric of the universe”

            One of the notebooks is missing

Taking the physics questions to Collins – Tuesday, Oct. 25

            Rachel loaned her the notebooks the day before

            Some trouble accepting

            Discussion of rebuilding the Punitator

The school shooting – Wednesday, Oct. 27

            Ritchie shoots up the place

            Ben saved by being out sick

            Donald figures it out, sees Ritchie in the hallway

warns Danny and Rachel; they hide

Sheriff (called by Donald) shoots Ritchie

            But Collins and Anna are killed

            Ritchie is captured by the cops

            Screams that he wanted to kill himself but “the job isn’t done”

            Out on the front lawn, Drexel: “Winged another one.”

The aftermath – Saturday, October 30

            At Anna’s funeral

            Bea discovers that Ritchie had a list

            All the names on it (including her own) were people who knew about the Rip

Part Three – Homecoming

December, senior year of college. Protagonists called back by the death of Donald. Story is told alternating between Rachel and Ben’s perspectives. Relationship with lead support renews, and together they face a final showdown with the rotten core of their home town.

Ben comes home (Ben) – Thursday, December 17, 1987

            Driving home from CU Boulder

            Stuck in a motel when snow closes the interstate

            Mental illness revealed – claustrophobia (feeling surrounded by snow)

            Also sleeping with the lights on

            Ponders coming back, the fear early on that the Rip would get him

            Still a feeling of unease

Rachel comes home (Rachel) – Friday, December 18

            Stays with her mother

            Who is alcoholic and distant / suffering from extreme loneliness

            Art History professor Mom has taken down all of the art from the walls

            Dad’s space downstairs is still there

            Mental illness revealed – obsession with re-trapping the Rip

Funeral (Ben) – Saturday, December 19

            At least brief coverage of the funeral

            Danny low humming “I Am Chicken Man”

            Ben’s family attends / little brother Mikey has become a surly teen

            Visits Anna’s grave

A visit to the local tattoo shop for memorial ink (Ben cont’d)

            Shop is downtown where a barber shop used to be

            More detailed description of how Donald met his end

            “Industrial accident” – he sawed his own arm off

            Tattooist is unnaturally surly (Danny: “He isn’t usually like that”)

            Will do a tattoo only for Danny

            Danny moans about how Donald was a better friend than they were

                        Even knew which classes they were in before the shooting started

            Danny’s too far gone (drug addiction, grief and panic) to be of much help

            Revelation that his dad killed himself

            Giving up on Danny and retiring to Lindy’s to work things out

            Gossip from Sarah Kensington

A visit to Bea (Rachel) – Sunday, December 20

            Who is retired and lives quite a distance out of town

            Sign on her mailbox says “Bernice Stewart” / Rachel thought it was Beatrice

            Says she’s “fearful of what the town is becoming”

            The Rip killed her husband in an effort clearly designed to kill her

            Mentions that Deadeye Bill had no history of violence outside Summer Falls

            Putting the pieces together

            Rachel thinks she’s re-created the Punitator

            But is afraid to try it out, figuring they’ll get only one shot

            And according to her calculations, the energy to fuel it will be hard to find

A visit to Johanssen (Ben) – Monday, December 21

            The trick of getting in to see a patient at Larned State Hospital

            Johanssen agrees to meet only after he finds out who they are

            Conversation with doctor about secretly monitoring the meeting

            He was keeping it as a pet

            It doesn’t feed on fear

            Putting chickens, pigs, dog in didn’t do anything

            So there’s something about humans

            Ominous warning, J’s sense that the Rip was driven mad by confinement

            Uses subtle workings of the brain to cause mental illness

            And uses that to manipulate victims to ensure its own security

            It moves in time as well as space (five year intervals)

            It’s sentient (made the Punitator disappear, targets specific people)

            Suddenly turns paranoid about being recorded and clams up

Encountering Richie

                        Surprisingly no violent reaction

                        Drugs? Removal from the influence of the Rip?

Incident at Rachel’s house (Rachel) – Tuesday, December 22

            Rachel wakes up late

            Jeep’s gone

            Reveals location of the fifth, missing notebook

            It’s in his old desk in the elementary school

            Breaking in to the boarded up elementary school to get the notebook

            Back at the house, Jeep is back

Finds mom dead, apparent suicide

            Enormity of the situation (and her role in it) comes crashing in

            Spawns major obsessive incident

            Begins to furiously study the notebook

Incident at Ben’s house (Ben)

            Mikey does something horrible at dinner, injures himself and/or parent

            Requiring trip to local hospital / Ben drives Mikey / “You were there”

            Where there’s an unusually large crowd of victims in the ER waiting room

            People from all sides, university and townie

            Ben calls Rachel, has to leave (family angry)

Danny attempts to blow up the fertilizer plant (Rachel)

            Ben arrives, Rachel fills him in

            Revelation that the Punitator box reflected Rip energy into the circuits

            Making the Rip the power source for its own prison

            They need beryllium, which they don’t have

            Ben posits the theory that its years in solitary drove it insane / Prof. Rosenberg

            While Ben and Rachel are trying to make a plan, Danny calls

            Tells Rachel and Ben, tries to enlist their aid

            Is seen by a “possessed” townie, hangs up

The whole town goes insane (Ben)

            Car rammed by “drunk” Coach Drexel, who menaces them and verbally attacks

            Sheriff shows up and shoots the coach without provocation

            “Didn’t wing ‘em that time!”

            Rachel does a Razzie-worthy acting job, which Bell buys

                        So he gives them a ride back to her house for another vehicle

Downtown (Rachel)

            Crossing town square to get to the fertilizer plant, Egg breaks down

            Townspeople acting strangely

                        Tattoo guy dead / church lady inking herself

                        Old history teacher in a robe and then naked

            Presence is faintly visible, like heat waves off asphalt only much sharper

            Street lights blow / Ben feels phobia coming on / Rachel has flashlight

            Walking past Hangman’s Bridge on the way to the plant

                        A cluster of townsfolk, some of whom appear to be armed

                        Lit by lanterns

                        Old woman with a baseball bat

At the fertilizer plant (Ben)

            Danny’s making a mix of ammonium nitrate and oil

            Danny talked down / rescued by Rachel and Ben

            Who explain the situation to him

Denouement - getting to Hangman’s bridge to use the Punitator (Rachel and Ben both)

            Using Danny’s mix to start a fire to drive off the guards

            The “sharp heat wave” ripples from elsewhere are a huge swell here

            Each wave brings a new tide of each mental illness

            Emanating from the box, obviously the abandoned Punitator

            Rachel overcome with illusion of drowning

            Ben overcome with illusion of darkness closing in

            Danny manages to grab the device, trigger it, drop it in the box

            Its death agony rips him apart, leaving nothing but his legs

Repairing the damage

            Rachel and Ben meet under Hangman’s Bridge

            Why had it hidden in the only thing that could kill it?

                        Ben suggests the physics explanation

                        Rachel supplies the psychological

Adjustments to part one

            Switch meat processing plant to fertilizer plant

                        A la West Fertilizer Company

                        Downsizing in part one

                        Closes around time of part two

                        Abandoned (and potentially dangerous) in part three

            Add a scene where Rachel is reading under Hangman’s Bridge

                        Comfort and aloneness

                        Something (not a storm drain) where the Rip can hide later

                        Mom’s warning about the dangerous bridge

            Make sure the university / townie split gets at least mentioned

Adjustments to part two

            Cut the pool game scene waaaay back

            Re-read the rest of it looking for cuts in prep for Nov. 1